


Useless

by Hazelnut_Hawthorn



Category: Black Clover - Tabata Yuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Finral Roulacase, Black Bulls Squad (Black Clover), Fluff and Angst, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, finral roulacase depressed, suicidal finral Roulcase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazelnut_Hawthorn/pseuds/Hazelnut_Hawthorn
Summary: Finral Roulacase is depressed from how bad his teammates are treating him. Asta finds out and comforts him. Just some fluff.
Relationships: Asta & Finral Roulacase, Asta/Finral Roulacase, maybe, other but they're not important
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

“Man, that was an epic dungeon!” Magna shouts.

Magna, Asta, and I just got back from a dungeon that was near the border of the Dimond kingdom. I feel exhausted from all the portals that I had to make. I look around and see that Luck, Vanessa, Gauche, Gordon Grey, and Charmy were in the common room. Noelle and the captain were nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Noelle?” Asta asked. 

“She went shopping for some new clothes,” Vanessa replies with.

We sit down while Magna starts telling the story of what happened in the dungeon. Before he could get into anything, Luck started asking if there were any good fights and if they wanted to fight right now. Magna shouts back at him, telling him to let him tell the story. I zone out for a bit while they are talking. I hear my name said and zone back in.

“-isn’t that right Finral?” Manga turns to me and asks.

“What did you say? I wasn’t listening,” I say sheepishly.

Everyone but Charmy and Asta rolls their eyes since they have their conversation. “You were thinking about girls, weren’t you?” Vanessa asks but practically states it. 

Before I could answer Magna buts in, “I was saying how you didn’t help, that you stood back and let Asta and me do all the work! You were pretty much useless.”

I slouch down in my seat too exhausted to protest. I wanted to say that I did help that I used my portals to help you get around and not destroyed by the villain. The mission wouldn’t have gone as smoothly as it did without me. That I am not useless. But I didn’t and stayed in my seat and was quiet.

Right when this was said though Asta’s and Charmy’s conversation ended. “Magna! He wasn’t useless; he helped us both get around and fight the villain. He’s awesome!” Asta says, coming to my defense. What he said brings a small smile to my face. It’s always nice that Asta comes to my case when people say things like this. But then again, I’m not that special; he would do this for anyone, he is just kind like that.

Soon enough, the conversation changed when Luck says, “Wanna fight?” with his creepy smile that always sends chills down my back. Then they started screaming at each other. I quietly head up to my room. I lay down on my bed and start to let my mind wander. 

It didn’t take too long for things to start going downwards. I pull my legs to my chest and close my eyes, letting to tears fall. Useless. Insignificant. Nothing. Worthless. Damaged. Useless. Useless. Useless. These words repeated in my head. A sob was trying to get out of my throat, but I held it back, afraid that if I let it out, it won’t stop. The tears started to fall down my face without my consent. I hold the sobs back as long as I can, but then I break. I press my face into my knees and then finally let the sob out. It wracked through my body, almost like it was trying to destroy me. Maybe it is. It’s not like I don’t agree with that. I’m just a waste of space. 

Then I start thinking would they miss me? Would the Black Bulls care if I disappeared? No, no one would miss me. I’m nothing. 

I stay like this for a bit my mind spiraling down the rabbit hole. It felt like days, but it was only about 45 minutes. I sit up, dangling my legs off the side of my bed, and slowly wipe the tears off my face while calming myself down. I hear Charmy shouting that dinner is ready. I hear a bunch of people rushing down to have dinner, so I get up and walk over to where my mirror is. I blink slowly and try to make it look like I wasn’t crying and having a mental breakdown. 

I force a smile and head down for dinner. I look around and see that everyone is already down here and eating. I drag my feet on the floor, slowly walking to sit down at the table. Everyone is talking, except for Asta, he’s screaming like always.  
Dinner passes by fast, and soon enough, I’m heading back up to my room. I get to my room and lay down on my bed while staring at my ceiling. All I can this of is these lines on repeat in my head, ‘My life has gone on too long, when will it all end? Can I keep on living and pretend everything is fine? Will I finally give up? Can I give up?’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asta comforts him but not the way you think

Hours have passed by, and soon enough, it is midnight. In these few hours, I made up my mind. I can’t keep on pretending everything is fine. I can’t keep on trying to push all these thoughts aside. I don’ want to survive. I don’t want to be alive. I’ve given up on everything and everyone. I’ve been pushed down way too many times; besides, everyone would be happy that I’m gone. They wouldn’t miss me.

After all, I’ve ruined everything with my family; I’m just a disappointment to them. I’m not even that good at magic; just look at my brother. He’s everything my parents wanted. The Black Bulls took pity on me and took me in. That's when things started to look up. And I started thinking that maybe I’m not a disappointment that people will now care for me.

But soon enough, I turned into the scapegoat. ‘Finral You're not good enough,’ ‘Finral you're always messing up, be serious for once,’ ‘You're so useless, all you can do is get in our way.’

I once again stare at the ceiling, thinking that this is the right choice. I slowly get out of my bed and walk over to my desk. I wonder if I should leave a suicide note? Will they care even to read it? I thought about a little more and decided to do it. I got a piece of paper and started writing.

‘Useless, worthless, stupid waste of space, right? Isn’t that what I am. I’m done with this life I’m done with being alive. I’m done with all this shit that people are giving me. I don’t want to live like this, but I know I’ll never be accepted, so I’m leaving this world. You’re probably happy, aren’t you? That the stupid, worthless, good for nothing mess up is dead. Father, mother, brother, this will make you happy, so at least I can do one thing right. Black Bulls, I’m done with how you also treat me, but even so, I still care about you, stupid, right?’

Goodbye, 

Finral Roulacase

I pick up the paper and read over it one more time and nod my head. I walk over to my door to leave and head to the roof. I make it to the roof and look out at the sky. 

“It’s such a beautiful night,” I whisper to myself. It seems like a beautiful way to go down. To fall off the roof to my death while staring at the night sky. There are so many stars. I walk over to the edge and look down. It seems far enough that I’ll die from it. I sit down on the side, taking off my black bull’s cape. I put my suicide note on top of it. I stand up, ready to jump off the roof when suddenly I hear a voice behind me. 

“Finral, is that you?” I look behind me and saw who asked that. Asta. 

“Hey, Finral! I didn’t know you liked to come out here at night. Are you star gazing?”

“Yes,” I answered with. I start internally freaking out because no one was supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to be here. No one was supposed to see my suicide. They only were supposed to see my dead body. What am I going to do now it’s not like I can jump off the roof now, or can I? It’s not like he will care, right?

He seems oblivious to what I was about to do; I don’t think he saw the note yet. I realized I zone out of what he was saying. “-so, do you want to?” he finished with a look of expectancy on his face. What was I supposed to answer? 

“Yes, sure,” I say to him, hoping that was the right answer. It seemed so from the smile on his face. 

“Then come sit over here with me so we can star gaze together,” he says while sitting down in the middle of the roof. I reluctantly head over there and sit down. We sit there in silence for a while, which is sort of surprising because Asta is always loud. 

Then he starts to speak again to me, “You know I get nightmares all the time so I can’t sleep well. I come to the roof to stargaze; it always helps me calm down. It reminds me of home.” He then looks over at me like he’s trying to read me. 

“What are your nightmares about, if you don’t mind me asking,” I say growing curious of this new side of Asta. It’s weird to see him calm like this, almost unnerving. 

“My nightmares-" he takes a deep breath, "-they’re about all the people who put me down for not having any magic. No one believed in me that I could be a Magic Knight, never mind the Wizard King. Sometimes it brings me down. But then when I got here they're on my side, I think at least. It’s kind of stupid, but it scares me that now I am one, they’ll turn their backs on me one day. That because I’m here and I have no magic, they’ll try to hurt me. I guess it’s just stupid, but it is always about to scare me."

"But that’s just a part of it, I sometimes have dreams of all of you dying,” I look over at him with a face of astonishment. Why would he be worried about all of us? He couldn’t possibly mean me too? Could he? “I sometimes have dreams of all of you dying because I couldn’t save you. Not that any of you are weak! I’m not trying to say that…but with everything that we get ourselves into I’m afraid at one point we won’t be strong enough to win. Like you, you don’t have almost any offense magic. What happens when we aren’t fast enough to help you. I care for you and don't want you to die.” I look at him, afraid that he's caught me. That he now knows what I was doing on the roof. But his face doesn't say he does. I calm down for a minute. The register what he said entirely and start freaking out again.

No, that can’t be right; no one cares for me. Asta doesn’t care for me. It’s not possible. Even though I think this, I keep on listening to Asta.

“I mean, you are so kind to everyone, always helping out! You know how to cheer us up when we’re feeling down. You’re such an awesome friend, and you have an amazing laugh, I could just go on how amazing you are all night. To be truthful, you’re probably my favorite person in the Black Bulls.” 

I look away from him and start blushing. I never knew Asta thought of me like that. I didn’t know he cared. It gives me a warm bubbly feeling in my stomach. 

“Sorry if that made you feel awkward! I don’t weirdly mean this.” He says, then mumbles something else under his breath. “Well we better get going, it’s almost morning we should get some more sleep in before we have to get up.” He stands up and puts out his and for me to take to get up. I accept, and any we start walking side by side to get off the roof and head back indoors. 

We part ways, and I head to my room. Then I start thinking, ‘maybe life isn't so bad; maybe I’m not worthless.’ I think back to what Asta said to me not long ago, ‘yeah maybe life isn’t so sucky after all.’

I lay down in my bed and stare up at the ceiling and finally smile. Maybe I’m not so bad. Perhaps I can live a good life. Maybe things will get better. 

I might just not be useless, after all.

\------Morning------

I wake up and realize that I left my Black Bull's cape up on the roof. I get up out of my bed to get it before anyone else sees it. But I find it on my desk. I run-up to the roof to see if the note was still up there. I couldn't find it anywhere. Only one person would know that it was there, Asta. But that wouldn't make sense; he would have said something about it last night, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asta does know and he hides it. I might do a different story where part 2 is from his perspective.


	3. AN

It’s been months since I’ve updated this and I’m sorry for that. I got a little bored of this fandom and didn’t really want to spend time writing another chapter. I’m annoyed with myself that I haven’t exactly ‘finished’ the work yet, so I plan and doing one chapter in Asta’s pov. I have little motivation, so it will probably be another week before it comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a great day!


End file.
